on Feb 23, 2011 in Articles
So what team has the best fans?
Yes I know, this is a real credible poll. Here are my 2 cents. I always thought the Chiefs and the Pack had the best fans. Anyone who is willing to put those stupid cheese wheels on their heads has to be considered devoted. The impression I always got of a Chiefs fan is someone who roots for their team no matter what.
Not all teams can say that though. The Cowboys, America’s Team, has one of the largest national followings but probably as many bandwagon fans as hardcore ones. The Raiders have a core following, but just because you dress like a World of Warcraft Ogre doesn’t make you hardcore. The Skins? Oh yeah, the fat old guys with wigs, wearing women’s clothes & pig snouts are a Dr. Phil show in the making.
The Giants have a loyal following, so do teams like the Broncos, Saints and Eagles. The Eagles fans should be disqualified for the mere fact they once booed Santa. The city of brotherly love? I think not. Does anyone have a bigger following than the Steelers? How about the Pats? Tell me half their fan base isn’t full of front runners!!!! They’ll be back on the Cowboys bandwagon as soon as Belichick and Brady are gone.
Here is what I expect from the ultimate Fan:
1. Male pattern baldness and the Sports Cap to hide it. Too much hair – disqualified.
2. Misdirection eyes – so you can observe the game/cheerleaders and beer guy at same time.
3. The Nose – has to successfully tell the difference between bratwurst, Italian sausage, polish sausage, and Wiener schnitzel in less than 2.8 seconds. This is a must !
4. Massive grill - consumption of huge quantities of grilled food is the fuel for this monster. The fan should be able to consume a brat, soda, and peanuts all at one time while washing it down with a swig of beer.
5. The Body - if you have a small gut – forget it – it leaves less room for letter writing. If you’re the letter “A”, you damn well best be able to fit the entire letter on your stomach.
6. The Rear – the butt needs to be big enough to allow one to sit for numerous hours at a time without experience acute numbness and fatigue. Too big and you run risk of sitting on your neighbor arm rest at stadium. Too small and you look like a tennis fan.
7. The Brain – answering any sports question is not enough – he mus not only answer it, but answer is in such a way that you make the “asker” seem like the dumbest person in the world. Food spraying is extra credit.
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